Theory: In order to win in this game of love you must study it.
Practice: Befriending and hanging out with more couples.
A good friend of mine invited me on a Sunday morning to visit the National Museum of African-American History & Culture with a group of friends and himself. After the cultural partaking we, a group of five Black queer male professionals,went to Boqueria on M Street in the District. Over an assortment of bacon, pan fried potatoes, with Black hands quickly scooping up mini pancakes, and lush lips sipping unlimited mimosas the usual chatter persisted; we spoke of traveling, those of us not familiar with each other gave the usual banter informing the others about our careers, how we ended up in the District of Columbia and where we grew up. Boys and men came up; anyone that’s in his late 20s and early 30s living in a metropolitan area of a big city with a heavy concentration of Black and other colored Gay/Bisexual men knows the difference must be noted. Two of the men at the table were in committed relationships. One in a commuters relationship (I’ve trademarked it).
Being one that travels for a living, I’ve rephrased the term Long Distant relationship, because it seems to have a negative connotation to it already planting the seeds of difficulty in the couples or the couple-to-be heads.
They laughed when they talked about their significant other, the smiled, they mad awkward faces; they cursed and lauded heir love all in one humorous quip.
After brunch, we road to MGM Casino in Maryland. We were there to celebrate a friend of theirs who had just made partner at his law firm. Friends and family were in a private room with champagne and finger foods.
There was a child, a Black boy who was happy to see recognizable faces and giving them hugs with the kind of happiness only a child can. I’m an introvert unless I’m intoxicated and I didn’t have enough mimosas at our previous location so I sat back, watched and admired. Ear hustling I started to recognize peoples relationships with one another. It quickly came to my attention that the honoree was there with his long term partner and the gleeful child was theirs.
My eyes stayed on them as a collective. I wanted to watch how they interacted; I needed questions answered: where they truly happy? Were the smiles and physical touches of affection authentic? Did they seem to pay attention to one other in a room full of loved ones? Could that be me one day?
Many of my friends have had relationships– some successful some a match made in hell. But I’ve never been consistently exposed to Black gay couples.
You want to be a writer you find a circle of peers who are talented writers. You want to own a Fortune 500 company you network with successful business owners.
I just think to become successful at queer relationships one may want to study first hand and enjoy being around Black gay couples.