Janet Jackson

10 Dating Tips from a Queer Non-Expert

I’m no dating expert; I’m just someone who has fucked up a lot and learned some shit along the way. Of course my cabinet memebers and I call joint sessions to brainstorm on the ideals of dating. So I annoyingly asked some of my most boisterous friends to text me a few dating tips. They were pretty harsh until I explained it was for the blog then their ideas became generalized, but still ouch.  So below are ten dating tips I compiled from the sound advice of the judies.


**Advice followed by Instagram handles**

10) Give a compliment. — Me @pattonthequeercurator

Guys, compliments go a long way and not only about appearance but about someone’s ambitions. Sometime ago, I attempted to rekindle romance with an old flame. We talked about what we had both been up to in our time away. I mentioned this here blog. He rolled his eyes. He laughed. Uttered “it must be boring.” Compliments are a good corner stone they are positive reinforcement, they show attentiveness, and it shows support. Now I have no stick up my ass. I can tease and crack jokes with the best of them, but my motto is let the compliment come before the punchline.

9) Once you find you are attracted to a guy, let the body daze simmer down. Find out if he has substance. @geniusthesecond

We are all guilty of dating people we are attracted too (I think it’s a good guilt), but don’t let the lust of the flesh have you thinking you are in love. That doesn’t mean stop dating the guy with a six pack or them thick thighs you like or the pretty feet. Just know he may only be good for dating and that is fine.

8) Treat every person like a new person. @royalprinceja

Look bag lady (looks in mirror) let that shit go. Someone can help you to unpack your bags, but they don’t want to be buried by the filth they helped you out out. This isn’t solely about treating each potential man differently from one another. We tend to think we only carry dating baggage from one relationship to the next. However, we tend to do that with work issues, parental issues, and issues with friends.

I knew I wasn’t ready to date. I told my friends over brunch. I told them it was because I wasn’t settled in life. I wasn’t where I thought I should be at 26. I told them it was about money. I thought it was about money. Turned out I had demons — by the bucket load.

7) Open up and allow yourself to be vulnerable. @alaphunkee

Now, I don’t condone lying your burdens down over your first visit to Dunkin Donuts or pleading your wishes for monogamy and matrmoney during the first dinner date.

Think of it this way — even Kanye opens up.


6) Give the person your undivided attention. @kelz_dabest

Like many in the tribe of gay, I have a friend that was first a potential. In one of our first encounters after jack’d and then randomly seeing each other in the club was him coming to my place. He stayed on jack’d. I decided we’d be friends then and there.

5) Wear something tight and don’t fuck on the first date. @hostalmalure

It’s cute: that progressive flag, that liberal banner, that mantra of “we can have sex on the first date cause we are grown.” I have had relationships end when I’ve been plucked on the first night and I’ve had them end when I’ve waited. However, the point is men are most interested when you hold out. Where you interested in Christmas 2016 on the 26th or were you interested in New Year’s Eve?


4) Netflix & Chill isn’t a date. @_justbliquor

FIRST OF ALL actually go on a date. My petpeeve is someone asking me out without saying the word ‘date’ when its been made clear through hundreds of sent and recieved text messages that we are interested in each other as more than friends. Even if it’s not a Netflix & Chill, it wouldn’t kill a man to say “Lets go on a date. How do drinks sound?” Instead of “Lets hang out lets gt a drink.” There is nothing wrong with actually asking or suggesting an actual date. Some may think I am presenting symantics, but word choice is powerful.

3) If you were the person to ask said other person out on the date pay. @mrdblack11

This involves some ciritical thinking skills: don’t ask anyone out on a date when you are broke and don’t ask anyone out that has an objective to suggest somewhere out of your league or maybe out of theirs.

I believe in simple dates to start smoothies and bike ride or walk or indoor rock climbing or a cooking class all things that can be done for less than $30 together. If you can’t afford to lose out on $30 dollars cause you don’t end up liking the person then you have no business dating; you need to be working.

2) If you are dating make it clear to the others they are not the only one you are d-a-t-I-n-g. –My Mama.

Yes, my mama did text it to me just like that. Don’t get your ass beat or break someone’s heart making them feel like they are the only one you are seeing. Dating around is fine. Honesty is a requirement.

Dating can be just that honest, fun, and respectful. Everlasting agape love doesn’t have to develop out of a date sometimes it’s just an experience and let it be a good one.

1) Don’t force it. –Me, again

Chemistry: you got it or you don’t go it.


Top 5 Reasons to Add Janet Jackson’s New Single “No Sleeep” to Your Sex Playlist

If you’ve followed my musings or know anything about me personally then you’ll know Dawn Richard, from Diddy Dirty Money to her solo efforts, is why I am still in love with music. However, Janet Damita Jo the Oscar nominated songwriter is the reason why I fell in love with music in the first place.

With the debut of new single “No Sleeep” Janet, a twelve time Soul Train Music Awards winner, has me falling in love, yet again . . . and wanting to make love too.

So here are my TOP 5 reasons every Single Black Queer Male should add “No Sleeep” to their bump ‘n’ grind playlist.

5) Making Love vs. Getting Fucked.

I’ll be the first to raise my hand for a good pounding over something slow and sensual, but sometimes you do need to shift the gears. Even if you aren’t in love — making love or getting lost in the fantasy of making love can be a temporary, but worthwhile release.

4) You’re Guaranteed To Get At Least 5 Orgasms

Ms. Jackson (cause I’m nasty) has a built in goal for the lovers to reach on this song “48 hours of love/it’s gonna be a weekend marathon.” For those that are competitive and for those that have trouble setting their own marks, Janet has set a two day lovemaking session objective that will no doubt result in multiple orgasm and I’m sure some leg cramps.

3) Jump on the Bandwagon

Since Control’s “Funny How Time Flies (When You’re Having Fun)” Janet has been lending her vocals to the soundtrack to our bedrooms. I have multiple sex playlist on my Iphone and a Janet track (slow, mid, or up tempo) is always included.

2) The Rain

The plush production by Grammy Award winning duo Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis begins with the sound of rainfall a la “Any Time Any Place”. Who doesn’t love to have sex in the rain or at least when it is raining. The smell of rain is like natural poppers it makes bottoms looser and tops harder (and the vers pick a damn position.) Even if it’s faux rain the production is a great reason to make love.

1) Easy to Stroke to

Anyone who knows a Janet track knows there is honestly three artist on the track: Janet, Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis. The final reason to add Janet’s new adult contemporary single “No Sleeep” to your sex playlist is also the production. With its midtempo beat and funk groove keyboard slipped in the background,  it is easy for tops or those topping to find their stroke and catch it and it is easy on this track for bottoms or those bottoming to throw it back. Too many times the stroke-challenged have been fucking to a club banger and they just haven’t been able to keep up with the beat resulting in them derailing. If we are to meet Janet’s challenge of 48 hours of lovemaking it is very important that the stroke be correct, steady, and faithful.

Honoary Mention for the Masturborty Inclined


If you are a lovelorn individual pining over a certain someone, this is the perfect song to take care of business by yourself until the two of your are together.

Instagram: @pattonthequeercurator